The Subtle (and Not-So-Subtle) Ways Toxic Team Members Undermine Your Organization
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There’s a moment in every leader’s career when they realize something is… off. The team isn’t clicking. Morale is slipping. Conversations feel heavier. And when you look closely, the common denominator is a single person.
A toxic team member.
We recently dove deep into this topic on the Messy Truth Leadership Podcast, and let’s just say—we had thoughts. If you’ve ever worked with someone who thrives on disruption, manipulates behind the scenes, or makes every interaction feel like a psychological chess match, you’re not alone.
So let’s break it down. What does toxicity in the workplace actually look like? What makes these individuals so difficult to manage? And, most importantly, what should leaders do about it?
What Does a Toxic Team Member Look Like?
Not every difficult person is toxic. Disagreements, personality clashes, and strong opinions are part of a healthy, functioning team. But toxicity is something deeper—it’s behavior that consistently erodes trust, undermines others, and prioritizes personal control over team success.
Common patterns include:
Manipulation & Undermining – Smiling while subtly cutting others down. Giving selective (often misleading) feedback to different people to create division.
Control-Seeking Behavior – Whether overtly or covertly, they aim to dominate team dynamics, making sure decisions, narratives, and alliances serve them.
Passive Aggression – They rarely say "no" outright, but instead agree to things they’ll later ignore, delay, or subtly sabotage.
Managing Up, Tearing Down – They present one version of themselves to leadership (engaged, positive, cooperative) and a completely different one to peers (territorial, dismissive, or even cruel).
Weaponizing Feedback – They don’t engage in honest dialogue; they use feedback as a tool to control or destabilize others.
If you’ve been on the receiving end, you know how exhausting it is. Toxic individuals are masters at making you second-guess yourself. They play the long game, sowing doubt and disruption that leaves teams feeling confused, demoralized, and powerless.
Why Do Leaders Struggle to Address It?
The biggest challenge? Toxicity isn’t always obvious from above. Leaders often hear conflicting reports—one person swears the toxic team member is impossible, while another says they’re great to work with.
That’s because toxic individuals excel at perception management. They ensure that those with decision-making power see them in the best possible light. Meanwhile, their peers and direct reports experience an entirely different reality.
It’s why so many leaders dismiss complaints with, "That doesn’t sound like them," or "Maybe this is just a personality clash—try to work it out together." Unfortunately, that response only strengthens the toxic person’s grip on the team.
So, what should leaders do instead?
Handling One-on-One Conversations with Toxic Individuals
If you find yourself in a direct confrontation with a toxic team member—whether by necessity or by their calculated invitation—these conversations can feel like a trap. They’re designed to confuse, disorient, and put you on the defensive.
Here’s how to navigate them without losing your sanity:
✅ Stick to Observed Behavior, Not Interpretations
Instead of saying, “You’re being manipulative,” say, “I noticed you told one person one thing and another person something different. That created confusion on the team.” Keep it factual and specific.
✅ Stay Calm, Rational, and Non-Reactive
Toxic individuals thrive on emotional reactions. If you become defensive or flustered, they’ll use it against you. Keep your tone even, don’t engage in circular arguments, and refuse to play their game.
✅ Gauge Their Capacity for Self-Awareness
Does this person acknowledge any wrongdoing? Or do they immediately shift blame, deflect, or gaslight? If they’re completely incapable of owning any mistakes, you’re not dealing with someone who can change through conversation.
✅ Make the Consequences Clear
Even if they don’t respond to moral arguments, they might respond to professional ones. Instead of saying, “Your behavior is harmful,” try, “Your approach is damaging your credibility with the team and limiting your influence.” Frame it in terms of their long-term success.
✅ Recognize That Change Is Unlikely
Most of these conversations don’t lead to a real breakthrough. Toxic individuals are skilled at deflecting accountability and maintaining their grip on the team. Be realistic about whether engaging with them is productive—or if a different strategy is needed.
Handling Toxicity: A Leader’s Playbook
If you are the leader of a team with a potentially toxic team member, your actions and inactions will have immediate and lasting impact on your team culture and the individuals on your team. It is critical that you remain aware and aligned with your values in order to signal to your team what behaviors are and are not tolerated on your team. It will take courage and conviction, but here are some things you can do to ensure you maintain the integrity of your team culture:
1️⃣ Look for Patterns, Not Just Incidents
One-off conflicts don’t equal toxicity. But if multiple people independently report similar experiences, it’s time to pay attention. Look for recurring themes—undermining, exclusion, control-seeking behavior.
2️⃣ Trust the People Who Are Experiencing It
If you only rely on your own interactions, you’ll miss the full picture. Toxic individuals know how to show up well for leadership. Take peer feedback seriously, especially if multiple team members describe the same issues.
3️⃣ Don’t Expect Coaching to Fix It
We love coaching. But here’s the truth: toxic people rarely change through feedback alone. They may nod along, promise to improve, or even flip the script ("Wow, I had no idea people felt that way. I feel so attacked!"). But without genuine self-awareness and accountability, their behavior will persist.
4️⃣ Protect Your Culture, Not Just Performance
One of the most dangerous leadership traps is tolerating toxicity for the sake of results. If a toxic person delivers on metrics, it’s tempting to ignore the damage they’re causing behind the scenes. But the long-term cost—burnout, attrition, and a broken culture—far outweighs any short-term gains.
5️⃣ If Necessary, Make the Hard Call
Sometimes, the only real solution is removal. Toxic individuals don’t just affect individual relationships—they reshape entire team dynamics. If their presence is poisoning the workplace and they show no signs of genuine change, leaders need to step in decisively.
Your Leadership Legacy Is Defined by What You Tolerate
As leaders, our actions (or inaction) signal what matters. If we allow toxic behavior to fester, we’re telling our teams: This is okay. This is what we accept here. And that message is far more powerful than any set of company values posted on a wall.
So the next time you sense that something is off—pay attention. Trust your people. And have the courage to act.
Because strong teams aren’t just built on talent. They’re built on trust.
What do you think? Have you encountered a toxic team member before? How did leadership handle it—or not handle it? Drop your thoughts in the comments! And please remember to subscribe and share!